Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Obama/America FTW

Well, we're together as a nation for three minutes, let's all overanalyze this until Republicans have something to complain about.  We can't accomplish something in this country without examining every inch of it until we stumble on the part that doesn't sit right with a certain group, and then that group talks about it louder than everyone else for the next six weeks.  Come election time, we won't even remember Osama bin Laden is dead, we'll only know that the opposing candidate claims he won't take credit for things the military does... even though he will be the Commander-in Chief and will have direct control over any operation he chooses.  That's one of his duties.

Negotiating superhero alliances is another.

All I keep hearing, you know between all the goodwill and cheer and bittersweet victory that this event has brought all of the people who aren't looking at it in any political way, is, 'Obama didn't do anything, it was the soldiers.  Another president would have given the credit where it's deserved, to the military!'  Yeh, I'm sure Bush Jr., the guy with the Mission Accomplished banner on the aircraft carrier, would have been very selfless.  But I can't say that for sure, because he didn't accomplish this mission.  I can only assume and speculate and praise him as white Jesus, while Obama haters are free to take what they heard right this second and spin it around in their heads until it smells like just the right consistency of shit.

In the speech he made, he literally says, "thanks to the tireless efforts of our military...."  The reason he says 'our' military, 'our' intelligence community, is because it is the American military and intelligence community.  He thanks the military several times for a job well done.  If you got any sense that he was congratulating himself personally for carrying a gun into that house and putting one in bin Laden's bearded noggin, I think you have a brain tumor that's affecting your hearing and comprehension of the English language.  Obama is doing nothing different than any other president in this situation would do.  It's not his fault that every other person in America is functionally retarded and has an image of the president as a hardened action hero who does his own dirty work.  That's Harrison Ford's fault.  He took that plane back!

This is how he addressed the Senate the next day.

Bush sent us to Iraq and Afghanistan.  I say Bush did, because, I don't know any of the hundreds of other people involved in that decision, and I'm pretty sure, ultimately, the final call was his to make.  President Obama literally has the exact same job as President Bush does.  People seem to forget that fact because they're so blinded by the ignorant shit they hear on the 24-hour news stations that they can't use cognitive thought to make up their own mind about anything.  You think Reagan was a economic genius because Bill O'Reilly yelled it at you.  You think 9/11 was a conspiracy because Glenn Beck told you while he was coating himself in peanut butter.  If 9/11 was a conspiracy, we have too much goddamned time on our hands.  You think that, because of all of this unmitigated hatred for Obama... and that his name kinda sounds like Osama, the newscasters still can't get that straight, and his middle name is Hussein, which some people couldn't help but mention during the election... that he is an overconfident, egomaniacal, anti-Christ who can't wait to resurrect Hitler and let him be Führer of Health Care.

But, guess what?  We got bin Laden, and the dude told them to.  Awesome.  I'm not trying to glorify bin Laden's death.  I'm not 'happy' he's dead, but I am relieved.  How could you not be?  This is the real reason the armed forces went to the Middle East, if you don't remember.  Who would remember though, after all the other stuff we got sidetracked by?  The primary mission we started almost ten years ago is finally over.  He was the face of a terror organization that made it illegal for me to bring my hair gel on an airplane.  The fight against Al-Qaeda surely isn't over, but this should deal them a decisive blow.  This is the kind of event that should unite us as a country, not bog us down in bullshit.  It shouldn't matter what you think of Obama as a person, what matters is that the American forces worked together and accomplished a goal.  Obama was literally the first person to mention that the military accomplished that goal.  It's on video.  You can watch him say it to your face.  Use the internet that you're on right now to do some research, maybe you'll learn something true for once, if you dig deep enough.  Or you'll find some cute pictures of kittens and get totally distracted.

Knew it...

All I heard during Bush's presidency from the right side of the nut house, 'nut house' being politics, was that you have to follow and obey your president.  We went to Iraq because shut up, he's the president.  Now that the tables turned, apparently it's okay to hate, and make fun of, and be racist towards, and disobey your president.  I'm not saying people were nice to Bush, they weren't, but the guy wasn't exactly articulate and his presidency wasn't a bright spot.  Everything Obama does wrong, or people think he did wrong, it's solely his fault.  Everything he does well, it was obviously someone much more Republican that had the idea first.  Whenever he passes a bill people don't like, the people blame him and him alone.  "Healthcare?  More like, Obamacare!  Hahahaha, god we're clever.  If only we were actually productive members of humanity."  But whenever he does something good, like give the order to take out bin Laden after months of intelligence gathering, it's always someone else people want to give the credit to, leaving him out completely.  Like Palin apparently just did.  She gave Bush the win on this one.  Good for her.  Good to see she thinks she's relevant.

And how exactly does the Right, Tea Partyers, and the terribly named 'Birthers' live with themselves?  They blame the president for not doing the right things while they block everything he tries to do and then waste more time trying to convince us he's from Kenya.  As if it would even be possible for him to be president for three years without proof of natural citizenship.  And then the questions about his past?  People don't remember him before he was in politics?  People at his college don't remember him?  Let me tell you something, chump, I'm gonna ask people at your college thirty years from now if they remember you.  I bet there might be one or two, out of your friends, that do.  The vast majority of the student body, won't remember, and also won't give a shit they don't remember, cause they have lives of their own now.  You can't just ask a random person that went to your school if they know you, you would have had to make some impact.  I guarantee if you ask people at Columbia in a decade if they remember me, they won't.  And I'm popular.  I have my own blog.  And I didn't know a prerequisite for being the leader of our country was that you had to be famous and liked by literally everyone when you were younger.

Although, everyone remembers the six year old with the Labradoodle scalp on his head.

So, if this rambling piece of sensationalism had any point, it would be to stop watching newscasters who have nothing better to do than sit around all day and analyze.  Take the time and actually form your own personal opinion, through research.  If you want to hate Obama, that's fine, it's your opinion, but have a goddamned reason.  A real reason.  One that you didn't see on Fox News, or O'Reilly, or Beck... oh wait, he got kicked off the air cause he's a psychopath.  And yeah, bin Laden's death shouldn't be turned into a national holiday, but the honest truth is, some assholes just don't deserve to live.  And he had his place on that list.  Let's not be all 'hippy' about killing a mass murderer and a straight-up dopey looking, pompous ass.  I think even Martin Luther King Jr. wouldn't exactly cry about this one.  And, in closing, please... I beg of you,  and this is from the bottom of my heart.  If you truly love your freedom of speech like you keep screaming about, and you truly love this country, then for the love of whatever you hold holy... just admit you don't like Obama because he's black.  Please?  For me?  Cause as far as I can tell... that's really all you've got.

But what do I know... I didn't vote.  Whoops.  You read all that for nothin'.

Oh, and I didn't see The Daily Show tonight, so if there's anything similar, Stewart stole it from me.

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